Dying Unhealed
A few months back, I was watching a rather interesting Netflix documentary on entertainment mogul David Geffen. Mr. Geffen is quite a character. He pretty much raised himself up from virtually nowhere and nothing, to what many consider to be the most powerful and successful individual in showbiz. He’s worth over $10 billion, has a $500 million yacht (with over 40,000 sq. ft of living space, requiring a full time crew of dozens, etc.), owns a number of homes, including Warner Bros. co-founder Jack’s Beverly Hills estate, which Geffen purchased for $47.5 million in 1990. And on and on…
People (particularly in Hollywood) are understandably in awe (and terror) of David Geffen. Anecdotes about his charm, intelligence, loyalty and… utter ruthlessness, are endless, and some legendary (“David will do anything for you if you’re his friend,” says Howard Rosenman, a movie producer and, yes, a friend. “But if you’re his enemy, well, you might as well kill yourself.”) But, for many, few people genuinely embody the American Dream as much as he does.
So, I was taken somewhat aback when, about halfway through the film, a chapter begins with this quote by Mr. Geffen:
“We all die unhealed.”
I found it quite remarkable on a number of levels. First and foremost, I thought it astoundidly candid. It’s not the sort of thing one would imagine anyone who has reached the zenith of the business world would say. (Can you imagine Trump admitting this?) After all… “You made it, buddy. You’ve got everything anyone would want. What’s to be sick about?”
And, not only that. After the quote, Geffen went on to say (in the NY Times profile the quote was lifted from):
“We all acquire damage as infants and children and we work on removing those scars all of our lives. You won’t heal everything, but what’s important is the work.
I’m a great believer in anything that makes you 1 percent better. So I try everything. Freudian. Jungian. Est. Life Spring. Course in Miracles. Twelve Steps…”
Yes, David is quite unhealed. In fact, he sounds downright desperate. He’ll try just about anything if it might make him feel just 1% better.
Elsewhere in the film, Geffen tells the story of his trying to see a psychiatrist after a particularly traumatic episode in his life. So, he (naturally) found “the best” doctor in LA. After the initial consultation, the doctor hands David the name of another doctor to see. When asked why, the psychiatrist said, “Because I’m too old and you’re too crazy.”
But, another reason I found the quote so striking was that it was presented as a basic, universal truth. This, despite the fact that the vast majority of people claim to be very or fairly happy (Gallup Happiness Poll).
Yet, when I saw the quote, I said to myself that, “Yes, you know when you get right down to it…”
So, does David just want company for his misery? Do the unhealed need to project their suffering onto the rest of the world? Or, 250 years after we all were granted the right to the Pursuit of Happiness, has the experiment failed miserably? Do we, as Ross Douthat claims in his recent book, actually live in a decadent society, and are all unhappy victims of our own “success”?
Be well…
